Category Archives: Uncategorized

Take This Snow And Shovel It

The below video depicts what I do when I don’t have a snow shovel. It’s also a fine example of how high my IQ is. For further amusement, you can click here and scroll down to read all the comments that address … Continue reading

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Attention All Geeks: Don’t Suck George Lucas’ Balls Too Hard

This is where I hate on one of my heroes. I’m not exactly pleased with this. But seeing as how I know his work pretty well (dare I say better than most?), I gotta do it. This is not something … Continue reading

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Dungeons & Dragons: The Sports Version

I’ve never been into sports; I’ve never played many sports, I’ve never watched many sports, I hardly ever talk about sports. As a kid, I was harangued by other kids in the neighborhood to play sports but I never enjoyed it. … Continue reading

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Locked Out – A Story of Woe, Self-Degradation, and Just Outright Fucking Stupidity

Two Sundays ago, I locked myself out of the house. What had happened was that I went to take the garbage out around 6pm or so. I had the garbage in one hand and was closing the door with the other. … Continue reading

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Local ditz finds car keys and is, like, relieved

WILMINGTON, DE–After an exhaustive 23-minute search on Thursday morning, 25-year-old ditz, Brandy Carr, breathed a sigh of relief after locating her car keys.   “I was totally OMM [Out of My Mind] there for a second; I totally blanked on where I, … Continue reading

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8-year-old boy sees London, France, underpants

WEST CHESTER, PA–On Tuesday, Johnny O’Meara’s classmates were shocked and amazed when 8-year-old O’Meara exclaimed that he’d seen not only London and France, but Suzie Myers’ underpants as well. O’Meara’s proclamation even took Mrs. Randolph, 2nd grade teacher at Edward J. Stephens Elementary, by surprise. “To … Continue reading

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The First Kryptonist Church of Pennsylvania—A Press Conference Transcript

The following is a transcript of a press conference taped by a local Philadelphia TV news affiliate. VOICE-OVER: We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this special news report. GEORGE KANE (News Anchor): Good afternoon. Over the past few days, … Continue reading

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Movie Snobs of the World Unite!

My name is Keith and I am a movie snob. I’ve been a movie snob for a few years now and it seems to be affecting my relationships with people. I watch a movie and can’t help but scoff at … Continue reading

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The Human Fish Tank

I live in suburbia and a few years ago, a T.G.I. Friday’s opened up near where I live. I never imagined that T.G.I. Friday’s could draw a crowd like the one they drew. I remember hearing that there were wait … Continue reading

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“Give Burritos a Chance”–A Public Service Announcement

FADE IN: EXT. EL TACO LOCO MEXICAN RESTAURANT AND CANTINA–DAY The front of the restaurant is rundown-looking but still functioning; there are one or two people who go in but they look dirty, as if El Taco Loco is (unfortunately) the best … Continue reading

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