Author Archives: admin

Jars of peanut butter are arranged in carefully manicured rows on the shelf in Wegmans. Jif, Skippy, Peter Pan. Creamy, crunchy, extra crunchy. And then you have the peanut allergy-friendly varieties: cashew, almond, pecan, macadamia. I put a finger to … Continue reading →

My nipples ache even though I’ve been off the marble for a year. But actually, between cryosleep and FTL travel, it’s been more like four months. I lay in my rack and rub my boobs to try to alleviate the … Continue reading →

Mom and Dad smile constantly now. That’s what bothers me. At the dinner table, Mom says, Honey, would you please pass the asparagus? Dad says, Certainly, dear. The bottom of his face is a great half-moon of exposed choppers as … Continue reading →

When I tell the owner of a five-bedroom, three-and-a-half bath Colonial that she should hang dried squirrel carcasses from all of her lampshades, I’m picturing my husband’s cock in her mouth. When I say, Murals made out of shaving cream … Continue reading →

The sadness of the waffles drives me to Craigslist. Guess things happen like that sometimes.   Amelia got the house in the divorce. And the TV. And the couch. And the microfleece blanket we used to snuggle under as we … Continue reading →

If a bug gets into the house, Jared traps it between his hands, takes it outside, and releases it. He literally wouldn’t hurt a fly. So it’s surprising when he slaps me across the face hard enough to draw blood. … Continue reading →

Sitting in the windowless shoebox that housed the NYPD’s Omnicide Division, Plank and Darwin were waiting for a call and doing what they usually did while waiting for a call: they were arguing. “Look, pal, all I’m saying is the … Continue reading →

Wrote a little something called “A Bad Time For Blasphemy” for a contest at Medium.com. Check it out here. Or read the text below. Enjoy! Almost nothing was under my control. After I insulted the Boss, I began to choke. … Continue reading →

Patricia Wiggins walked the six blocks home after working the graveyard shift at St. Raphael’s General Hospital. It was a few minutes past 6am so she didn’t worry much about walking alone; by her estimation even criminals had to sleep … Continue reading →

After he discovered and developed the polio vaccine, Dr. Jonas Salk was asked, during a televised interview, who owned the patent. He replied, “There is no patent. Could you patent the sun?” You have to admire that. Here was a … Continue reading →